After this weekend when I speak at the OLM conference in Hull 9th September 2017 I won't be speaking in ufology anymore. I won't be doing anything at all ufos or aliens.
I have come to the conclusion that it is a complete waste of time and energy for me. When I first came to the internet with my story i had a completely different idea how things would pan out. I thought someone would talk to me, help me wrap my head around my life. I thought someone would know what they are talking about.
No, nobody knows a thing. Prove me wrong if you can. show me your evidence based practice. I have been on the net for 12 years only. In that time i have learned a tremendous amount about myself and people in general but the only things i know about my experiences and things I have witnessed are the things I figured out myself from analysing them over and over.
Can't say i have discovered the smoking gun in any of those moments but I have figured some things out. things i have touched upon in some of my talks and radio shows. People say write a book i want to read your book... You try writing a book when you have a housefull, no spare room and besides i can't even fart these days without being assassinated.
You, the community, do not want the truth because if you knew the truth everything you are doing would be worthless. None of you know it, you just think you do. What you think you know is empty. This scene makes me feel hollow, empty. I feel like i have poured myself into this to find there's a hole in the bottom and I fell out of it.
It's a scene full of lost souls and narcissists. the rest of you are hobbyists and well meaning individuals. You are all well meaning when you start out but look at how you have changed. Look at how it moulded you. look at what you have become. Look at how you speak to people, me included. I have become someone I never intended to be.
I never intended to become a debunker, how could I be a debunker? But there are so many lies and liars out there! I have seen ufos, plenty of them too, I have photos! I have had a witness with me every time I have seen something. but I no longer want to share those moments with 'you' the public. I just don't. I never have and maybe I never will. Why should I? This scene doesn't deserve to hear genuine witness accounts. It respects nothing and no one. Not that this is about respect, that's not what i am talking about. It's how I see other people being treated. My current advice to new people wanting to come forward, don't bother.
If you want answers, you can't have them. If you want comfort, you won't get any. That feeling you are searching for you will never have. You will never feel safe again. You will have to figure out how to cope with your fears alone. Nobody cares about you. They care about what they can get from you, they care about how good YOU with make THEM look. They want you to be conference and radio show ready because that's all it is about these days. NONE of the so called abductee help groups are any such thing. They want your story, it's a fishing net. NONE of your online anonymous form filling for abductee info are anonymous. As soon as you log onto the site they have your IP address. All sites are not protected with anything hardcore, and besides any govt body could access these sites, your IP address leads to your HOME address. There is no such thing as anonymous on the net.
I woke up this morning with a strange feeling and I knew what it was. I have lost all my heart for this, all of it. Ufology is a hoax. Abductee scene is full of fakes, full of them. One tenth of the people who say they are abductees are actual abductees.. and I am being overly generous there. I found a few and those people will always be there and they will always be my friend and vice versa because we KNOW we are legit. I know you lot think you know more about this than the people going through it. the scene is like that. Everyone else is right and the only people who are wrong are the witnesses/experiencers. Well think that if you want, it won't help or change anything or anyone.
This scene is a feeding frenzy. It's ugly, soulless and cold. I want no part of it. I am going to poddle on trying to get my body in the best shape I can. I think i am doing well with my head and depressions... I think 50% of the time it's caused by the crap I read anyway, or the people i come into contact with and their outrageous hate filled behaviours.
I am going to hand over all my research to someone who will actually do something with it. I hope they prove with what i found that the government were playing ufos... Well I have actually already proven that to be true not than many noticed. As for the historical Rendlesham research, well I don't know i guess I will collate that at some point, it would be unfair not to.
I had some fun, with all the wrong people, but then they're always the first on the scene with a noob. I look back and cringe at the people I spoke to. but when you don't know who is who then you just don't know. I am looking forward to this weekend seeing the people I really did first do something worthwhile with the UFOData Magazine team but that was short lived because of peoples petty moans.
So if I don't see you at the Outer Limits Conference in Hull this weekend I probably will never see you. I am not leaving Facebook or the internet, so don't throw a party. I just cannot find it in me to share one more second of my life in public. I only came forward because I thought someone would have a clue but nobody has. I might even throw the odd blog out about something in ufology but really I am not feeling it anymore. I will still have the odd opinion, odd being the ‘word’ but mostly what you are seeing and reading is regurgitated lies from well polished liars.
Some of you are truly amazing people but the majority of the scene are from Hell itself.